It seems like every time I turn around I am reminded of how incompetent I am. The kitchen full of dirty dishes reminds me I am an incompetent housewife. The broken dishwasher reminds me I am an incompetent earner. The baby who won't sleep in her own crib reminds me I am an incompetent mother. The neglected emails remind me I am an incompetent friend.
Everything seems so hard, so uphill, like wading through molasses. The hardest thing in the world really is living in it. I keep waiting for it to become easier, to become like other people's lives seem to be, so effortless and effective, and it never does. A nice condo doesn't do it, losing weight doesn't do it, even having money, if I recall correctly, didn't do it. I think life is just difficult. But I also remind myself that it will be easier in a couple of years, when Delphine has some physical autonomy and doesn't need my attention all the time. After that, by comparison, everything really will be easy! I hope.
In the meantime, if anyone out there is granting wishes, I would like to find a nice daycare that will take good care of my baby two days a week. I would like a job which pays me enough to pay for the daycare, with some left over. I would like a dishwasher that works. I would like someone to vacuum and clean my bathrooms. I would like Delphine to sleep in her own crib, fall asleep at eight every night and wake up at seven the next morning. I would like some clothes that fit and a couple of pairs of cute shoes.
I think that's all. Thanks!