Amy (old posts, page 1)

Bored Now

Somehow, inexplicably, I have nothing to do. There is no pressing housework, I have no paperwork to do, I can't knit because it takes too much concentration and unbroken blocks of time, I've read and read and read until my eyes are bleeding.

I guess it's not inexplicable. Christmas is over and there isn't another errand-intensive event like that in the forseeable future. More significantly, Delphine now plays by herself for reasonably long stretches of time, so jobs that used to take hours to do in between attending to her, now take a few minutes. My last problem is that this wintery weather is stretching on interminably, and I have nasty cabin fever. I've been hiding inside, only going out for necessities, for weeks now and I'm tired of it.

Fortunately, next week is rich with activities; Monday is choir, Tuesday I'm trying to set up a board games night, Wednesday morning is playgroup, Thursday I'm going to see Ellen and Dexter, and Friday is a baby storytime at the Mount Pleasant library. If that doesn't keep me amused, or at least busy, nothing will.


Let's get that bit of glurge off the top of the page, shall we? I called my brother and he is JUST FINE, he is not a child or an emotional cripple, he does not need me to take care of him, he is perfectly capable of living in a city without me there without falling into the pit of despair.

Seriously, I always think he's much more miserable than he really is. He sends me these long gloomy Eeyoreish emails about how awful everything is and I get all upset. Then I talk to him on the phone and he says the same things, but he says them with a smile in his voice and I can imagine the spark in his pretty blue eyes and I know he's okay.

I, on the other hand, am running out of money, am freaking out about it, am so clumsy and nervous and excitable that I seriously took a pregnancy test today (negative). I need a break, or something, and Delphine won't stop crying. Feh. Soon Blake will be home and we can go to Starbucks and cook a pizza or something and watch bad television, and then it will be the weekend, hoorah.

Bad Sister

It's my brother's thirtieth birthday today, and he's alone at work in Vancouver right now. He was supposed to be visiting my parents but he couldn't take time off because of a deadline.

I didn't get him anything; he's planning to move to Japan so he didn't want anything heavy, and I don't know what he likes to listen to or what video games he plays. I didn't want to just get him something for the sake of getting him something, so I ended up getting him nothing at all, which is kind of sad in that it's nice to get presents, but in some ways an inappropriate or unwanted gift is worse than no gift at all. Or so I tell myself. I hope he doesn't mind, or think I don't love him or think about him, because I do.

He's not happy in Vancouver; it's not working out for him. The weather is miserable, he doesn't love work. I worry about him. In some ways I wish he had moved to Toronto instead of Van, so I could see him and keep an eye on him and take care of him. But in some ways (most notably geographically, but also culturally, I think) Vancouver is closer to Japan, which is his goal and something I want him to achieve. So maybe it's best that he's there and not here. But I still miss him terribly.

I love you, Dave. Happy thirtieth.

Too Cheap to be a Girl

Delphine and I walked down to St Clair to have lunch with Del's Grandpa today, and on the way we stopped at Shopper's Drug Mart to pick up some stuff. Specifically, I need some new moisturizer for my face, something with SPF. I was going to pick up some Neutrogena SPF 45 I had heard about, because apparently SPF 15 isn't high enough.

Two problems; first, they didn't have Neutrogena SPF 45, the highest they had was 30. Second, the SPF 30 was, I shit you not, twenty dollars. Twenty dollars for face lotion is too damn much. I already spend that for a tub of alpha-hydroxy cream which makes my zits go away, I'm not about to add another $20 tub-o-gold to my repertoire. So I ended up getting another bottle of the Oil of Olay stuff I'm using now, for ten dollars, which is still five dollars too much. I'm seriously thinking of getting a bottle of regular old sunblock and using that instead; deep in my heart I know that there's nothing special about the stuff they pour into the face cream bottles and sell for a million dollars an ounce. It probably comes out of the same vat as the five dollar no-name hand lotion.

I also got a box of Natural Instincts temporary hair dye in Hazelnut or some such nutty colour; right now my hair is reddish brown with about an inch of dark brown plus grey at the roots, and I want to cover up the reddish and even it all out. I'm never sure what colour to buy to match my natural colour, and I either end up with almost-black or something too light which makes my hair look too red. God, my life is hard.

The last thing I got was Aveeno diaper rash cream. Del's had a minor diaper rash for about three months now, and the only thing which really makes it go away is cortisone, and that only temporarily. I haven't tried the Aveeno stuff yet, and I'm sure it won't be any different than everything else on the market, but it's worth a try. It's got to smell better than Desitin, anyway.

Tasty Lunch

Another gastronomic breakthrough for Delphine today; we both had the same thing for lunch, Habitant Pea Soup. I thought it was time to introduce Delphine to the lard food group.

She also had bananas, yogurt and rice cereal mashed up, for dessert. I had cucumber sandwiches on thinly sliced, homemade oat bread with a chutney and horseradish mayonnaise. Sometimes I eat fancy.

In other food news, I'm still trying to redeem my averages from Christmas, and the post-Christmas leftover eating. It doesn't help that on Friday I had a three thousand calorie day. The horrifying thing is that it wasn't all that hard; pastry for breakfast, a jam sandwich as an afternoon snack, a grande mocha for a treat after Blake got home, pizza and wings for supper and a half-cup of frozen yogurt for dessert. Any of those things alone would be reasonable, but when you have them all in one day... Well, three thousand calories.

It makes me realize that I must have had a lot of three thousand calorie days back when I wasn't paying attention. Sort of explains the 240 lb thing; genetics, my ass.

In an attempt to get my averages back in line, and also as an experiment, I had a sixteen hundred calorie day on Saturday. Also, surprisingly, not that hard. Toast and tea for breakfast, hot and sour soup for lunch, another mocha (tall this time), and salad for supper, but a tasty salad with facon and egg and cheese. We even had dessert, custard made with skim milk. There's hope yet.


If I learned anything from Holidailies it was that it takes a village to write an entry, or at least a household. Each entry I wrote was a commitment of at least forty-five minutes, and I'd need Blake to look after Delphine while I wrote it. Most of the entries I wrote after dinner, in the evening, when we would normally be going to bed, and I think it shows.

Long story short, since apparently I don't even have time to write a little weblog entry, I'm shutting down my other journal for the forseeable future (probably until Delphine and Little Number Two are in grade school) and writing here instead. (Later when I have time I will put a note to that effect on the journal page.) I think it will be easier to write more often with a weblog. And hell, some of my favourite journals are actually weblogs.